Seek Him First. 

I came to college on a generous volleyball scholarship, a door that opened at just the right time. For a while, I treated it like the answer. But somewhere along the way, I realized not every open door is meant to be stayed in-some are meant to be walked through, only to reveal another.

I am living in answered prayers. Trevecca-where unity, diversity, volleyball, and faith meet. My BFF is my roommate and we laugh loudly and talk deeply, everyday.  It was good, all undeniably good. Which made it harder to admit that something in me was still unsettled. Still pulling me somewhere I couldn’t yet name. I told myself this was a blessing, that I should be content. I tried to bury the desires in my heart before the Father, but the more I silenced them, the clearer it became: they were never separate from Him-they came from Him. I was being called to obedience-even if it meant leaving behind everything.   

Then came my dream. I know when the dream is from the Father for it is clear, with a lesson. On one side stood everyone I loved.  On the other, a portal of light. Somehow, we all knew it was me who had to go through, and we collectively knew our Savior was on the other side. So I went.

I saw Yeshua (Jesus in Hebrew) , radiant, overwhelming in brightness. Light consumed his figure. His face was too bright to fully see; meeting me where I stood, face to face. He spoke without words, and still, I understood everything. Not through hearing, but through knowing. I saw through His eyes and understood. Time disappeared. Memory didn't exist. There was no past or future only now. It's inexplicable. And then I was back. There waiting were friends, family, eager to hear what he spoke.  But one by one, they drifted back into their busy lives, promising to listen to His word later. All believed in him, but failed to realize he wasn't first in their lives. Some even said, “I have to serve at church, but you can tell me what he said after!” I couldn’t express it, but there was no after. It was now. One girl stayed and asked what he said about her. I didn’t know, I remembered nothing he “said” but I began to speak, the words came, but they weren’t mine.  Rejoiced, she ran off to tell others. He spoke through me. Although I couldn't hear what was being said, I understood what she felt. We live in a spiritual world, more than we realize. Ephesians 6:12.

Faith, I’m learning, isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about movement. It’s stepping forward before the full picture is clear. Some may think it’s crazy. But maybe that’s the point, to not follow the crowd, but to follow the call. I’ve sought Him first, and in seeking, I’ve found more than I expected. 

He showed me two paths: one where I stay, I lean on status, media, friends and family first when lost; the other, I have nothing to lean on but the Father and choose Him above all. We are called to do higher, and not to be caught up in the world, so I am doing one of the craziest things known to man. I am following my heart. My goal? To draw as near to Him as I can, and become who He created me to be. I am leaping into Faith. The road is more narrow than we think. Matthew (7:14-22.) 

His name is YHWH.